The Legend of the Pennsic Virgins 
by Violetta de Montepulciano

hann that August, with his sonne so hotte,

That priketh skin until it have dry rotte
And wyndy monsoons Ohio sent hence
That flying mushrooms maketh of our tents
Whanne that mud and swamp come of the weather
And onlie mad folke sholde sojourn together
Whanne but Berserkers wolde to campyng wende,
Thann to Newcastle goeth al oure freyndes
And naggeth us, "Thou shalt to War this yere,
For drinkying meede and dauncyng, and good chere,
Three yeres ye sayd us Nay:  Pardee, go to!"
Thus were the Pennsic Virgins bid to do;
On Pilgrimage to CooperÔs did they cruise
The War, and Pennsic cherrys for to lose.

First, clept Anabel, hadde sayd hir vows
To spend al war in servyse to hir house
And help at Troll, and, be it not amyss:
A quiet bardic circle was hir blysse.
Richt so, til she did visit Isabella
And mark! was seen massagÔd by some straunge fella.
She never nyst him ere in al the lande,
And sayd naught but, "He hadde magick handes."

Next, Violetta, soul of modestye,
Wel-named for flowre that is so meek and shye,
Discretely clad hir in a smock of blewe
Believing hir wel-robed in sombre hewe.
For two hours thus aboute the camp did go
For, weladay, it was to hir unknowe:
Threadbare was hir chemise, though dark in hewe it,
And everich gentil knicht was seeing through it.

The thridde was hight Luisa;  so vowed she:
Hir War a quiet, simple one sholde be.
To quaff but litel meede, nor to carouse,
But do al thyngs for comfort of hir house
Serve Barons, and bear water in the fray.
But then, al sodeynly, there came a day
Moose Guard wolde hir adopt, in verray faith
"For helpyng in the kitchen"--so she saith.
She nolde not them gainsay, but go right in
And join thir retinue as kith and kin;
This sodeyn likyng, al this sodeyn glory
For kitchen help?  A verray likely story.

Afore the War, al fresshe and new were we
Withouten guile, as maydes are wont to be,
Al chaste and pur the lass in eke cotehardie
And innocente, til Mizzy IzzyÔs party.
Oh, woe to those that us brought to corruption!
Stil greter woe to those brought interruption.
Thus lost we al oure Pennsic cherrys deere,
Now Godde bryng al of us to War next yeere!

(Special thanks to House Raven's Moon, The Bastards, House Maxwell and Pink Fuzzy Bunnies for an unforgettable first Pennsic.  Special apologies to Geoffrey, though heÔs had six hundred years to get used to Canterbury spoofs.)

from the September 1996 Seahorse